"All human plans are subject to revision , or fate or whatever one preferred to call the powers behind this universe" - Arthur C Clarke (Odyssey two)
Unpredictability it is, ruling over our plans of making money, making babies, making a marriage. We all know what this Unpredictability means.
What remains then? Something that will keep the strings connected , even after we leave this world. Love-The only true thing that joins us to our loved ones now and after they leave.
That 365th morning of 2013 , and that last breakfast with my daddy was Love. The last little soft whisper of my name and that last bite of cake was Love. His last fear and that last drop of tear was Love. Love of not wanting to separate himself from us. Love that is truer than any other sense of love this world establishes. Love of a father for his kids and family.
I never knew what a 'last time' is, until that morning.
And the last one year was a tough fight. But made daddy Close to what i think God is.
What happens when someone dies? There are a thousand books on it but only one experience that makes you feel you're closer to the ones who have no physical body. This is how I believe in God. He can never be visible for me but he is always there. That is the truest form of love I encounter ; not seeing the physical body but trusting a form more than I trust myself. And now I see my father just the same way.
Everyday I hear people are dying of something or the other, and their families are crying for that one thing and making it everything they ever had to do. It is natural and normal. But what's abnormal is when you don't feel anything has happened after you lose someone close. What's abnormal is when you see your father losing his breath and sinking in his own fluids and you don't cry. When you sit in an ambulance with his expired body and you don't feel anything. Because you know that the body does not have him in it. That body I travelled back with that evening was not my father driving me to usual places but me taking his cover back home. That was not my father and this thinking is not normal.
This is life , unpredictable , abnormal in all its forms. You never know when you get fired, or deliver your baby premature , earn a million dollars or just a few kisses from your mother. You never know anything. And today I stand and salute 'Thy Unpredictability' and fall in love with that 'someday' again.
'Someday' when I will meet Papa.
Until then Live my days with 'his' dreams in my head and strength in my arms. Someday where my surety will gift me the pleasure of meeting him whenever shall I be starting my journey to the other world. Until then , I hope for those wonderful nights where i'll meet him in my dreams like I do and wake up every morning with a smile of his presence.
Big things cut short, you lose people in your life. Father , mother , siblings and friends , and it actually doesn't stop you from living. It makes you understand , that up there is a different story. Up there' is no pain. And here we are all living in unpredictability.
Losing a Father is losing your sense of walking without fear. My father too , was my shield. But something changed when he was gone. I now always find him watching and taking care of me and I never felt more secure . It's a settlement he made with me before leaving else I never would have let him go.
P.S. Fifty things that we can control every morning , and then a hundred which are beyond our control. This tragedy is our bittersweet life. And beyond that we can know Nothing and hence, become everything in our lifetime. Your purpose should be counting happy times.
|"Things are the same except that we can't touch you"|
I am, because you Are.